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Scientists Discover Use For Matt Prior

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By your Science Correspondent

Following months of secretive and frantic research, scientists have finally discovered a use for Sussex and England cricketer Matt Prior. The excited announcement was made in a press release by the ECB on 6th April 2006 at 09:00 BST and immediately syndicated worldwide:

“A team of dedicated scientists, working on behalf of the England cricket team, have been toiling away in secretive research for several months to address the dilemma of what to do with Matt Prior”, stated the ECB press release. “We think they’ve finally stumbled across the solution almost by accident.”

It appears that Prior, a qualified wicket-keeper, can replace Geraint Jones behind the stumps during the Indian innings of the fourth one-day international in Cochin, the Welshman having sustained a thigh injury in an unusually long stay at the crease during England’s innings.

An ECB spokesman added that it was unfortunate for Jones: “He’s just not accustomed to spending so much time in the middle. Usually he misses a straight one or plays a lazy nothing shot within a couple of overs of going out to bat. This time he made the mistake of staying in too long”.

The delight of the ECB's research team has spread further, to the scientific research community as a whole, where the achievement in finding the solution to the Prior problem has been likened to solving Fermat’s Theorem. “We’re going to move on to the equivalent of splitting the atom now,” says the ECB’s bouyant Chief Scientist. “That is, how the hell do we pick a team that can do anything in the World Cup”.

6 A-side Indoor League

CCC coasted to a comfortable victory against Davipart in their final indoor league match last night.

Davipart acored 105 all out off exactly 10 overs. CCC scored 107-1 off 8.2 overs. Derek scored 24 and Steve 27.

This means that CCC have won 5 (Rowlands, Nigel Wright, Mallards, ORPs and Davipart) and lost 4 (Coxhoe, Backworth, Genetics and JCB) of their 9 games, including 4 wins in the last 5. Hopefully a top half finish has been attained.

2005 Stats Updated

All stats from last season are now updated on the site.

Both batting and bowling are topped by a player who only made one appearance, which is a bit of an anomaly - it actually makes Vikram look better thean the rest of us.

A decision has been taken this season to separate friendly stats from league stats, if technically possible. This is because people who do OK in friendlies are fed up of having their averages ruined by poor league form.

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French: "I Can be Next Bowling Coach"

Roger French has become the latest name to throw his hat into the ring to become England's new bowling coach. He follows Darren Gough, Allan Donald and Phil deFreitas in looking to replace Australia-bound Troy Cooley in the post.

The experienced fast bowling all rounder says he was approached individually by England bowler Matthew Hoggard: "Aye, Hoggy came to me last week and said he'd been inspired by me as a lad," admits French.

And French believes he has what it takes to surprise the bookies and take on the role. "I'm up to speed on all the new fangled stuff like diets and bio-mechanics, and I can safely say it's all crap. I'm from Yorkshire. Fred Trueman never needed diets. And if anyone'd said biomechanics to 'im, he'd 'ave lamped 'em".

"People will say that they've never heard of me, but who had heard of Troy Cooley?"

With a decision likely soon, French is upbeat about his chances: "I'm from Yorkshire and I'm also flexible. If they appoint Daffy he'll probably get dropped after the first defeat, so they'll want someone in at short notice. I'd to it, 'appen."

Indoor League Fixtures

Fixtures for the 2006 6-aside indoor cricket league.

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Download Indoor league fixtures