Login

End This Travesty

ARE AUSTRALIA GOOD ENOUGH?

Question marks have once again been raised concerning Australia's participation at the highest level of international cricket. The debate has been lent new impetus after another humiliating week in which they were:

*Soundly beaten by England in a 20/20 match
*Caned by second divison county side Somerset
*Humbled by Bangladesh and England in 1 day internationals

Many cricket experts are now openly questioning the Aussies ability to compete at this level. "The Australian game will not benefit from being outclassed," admitted one senior cricket journalist, who wished to remain anonymous. "They need to play teams of their own level, like Kenya, Holland, or the Ascension Islands, in order to develop".

Australia captain Ricky Ponting was more bullish: "People say we're not good enough, but we expect England to be tough at home. We expected a Bangladesh backlash after they were thrashed by England. What do you expect - Bangladesh has 140 million people, Australia has 20 million, they've got far more talent at their disposal."

But this attitude may no longer wash with the ICC: "We are considering setting up a second division of international cricket," admitted a spokesman from their new tax-free headquarters. "This will have the likes of Kenya, Holland, Canada, Uganda and Namibia in it. This is probably a more realistic level for Australia to compete at the present time."

GAME OFF SUNDAY 12th

CCC V NPOWER GAME OFF _ RAIN.

ECB to Attract New Generation of Cricketers

ADDERS GO 'STREET'

"Howzat, blood!"
"Not out, dude, innit"

The ECB’s ambitious investment in grass roots cricket could see this kind of exchange become more familiar in the once gentile world of club cricket. It's all part of a scheme to open up the game to a new generation of talent.

The ECB scheme - 'Down Wi' Da Kids', as it is known - will not just see so called ‘street’ vocabulary become commonplace, but clothing too. The ECB is set to launch modern designs of the familiar flannels featuring ‘hoodies‘ and baggy whites cut off at the knee.

"We hope that by 2007 we will have attracted a new generation of cricketers to the game by being trendy," said ECB Chief Executive D**** C******. "For now we have launched a pilot scheme in the north east of England, with the Adders cricket club".

C******'s pilot scheme involves North East Midweek League side Adders completely revamping themselves for the 21st century. This will see them:

*Change their name to Addaz
*Adopt a special gang signal to be used on and off the pitch
*Wear a specially designed range of clothing with stunning gang symbols and/or burberry patterned helmets

"We’re very flattered to be selected for this scheme," says captain Robin Humphrey. "Some of our lads have sprayed 'Addaz' graffiti on buildings around Backworth, and last week another of our players was thrown out of the Metro Centre for wearing a hoody. There are people out there who will say that this is no sort of behaviour for guys in their 40s but they’re just not 'down wi' da kids, man'."

This attitude is backed up by C******. "It's all about getting the young and in this case middle aged into legitimate activities. It's good for health and the local communities."

Meanwhile Addaz are looking forward to their forthcoming match with traditional cricket side CCC. Several of their players were loitering in intimidating fashion outside the Backworth Welfare Club, and the confidence was high: "we got our pieces man. They is goin’ down man, CCC is shit, innit!" we were advised.

Fenham v CCC by TIM HALL

Conditions favoured batting during last night’s game against Fenham at the Blue Flames ground, and that unfortunately favoured Fenham as once again they produced a very attacking batting performance and at times hit all of CCC’s bowlers past the boundary flags.

Fenham quickly ran up an amazing *** runs of 14 overs though CCC had catching chances, some difficult others less so, most were dropped.

After the early departure of Rian on a plumb LBW and new player Mudassar losing his off stump for a duck (welcome to the team Mussy), it was left to a spirited performance from Greg Tomlinson hitting 39 in what will be probably his only game for CCC this season, backed by acting skipper Simon Woodman (30) to score the runs.

However, in failing light CCC failed by 1 run to collect 2 batting points and adding that fact to the other, they missed a bowling point by 1 wicket. A rather subdued team agree tomorrow was another day and another match, which it is was against Coquet (postponed).

This reporter managed to get a word in with Andy Holburn on his departure in a new jumper but Andy seemed more concerned that the Walls Cornetto was due a rebranding.

Game Postponement Plummets New Levels of Irony

CCC's home fixture against Coquet was cancelled at 10am yesterday despite a forecast for bright and breezy weather for the rest of the day.

In yet another triumph for university cricket pitch diplomacy a team which played 24 hours earlier in dark and drizzly conditions at Blue Flames was left kicking its collective heels in gorgeous sunshine with the temperature nudging towards 20 degrees.

The reason for the shock postponement was initially given as "inclement weather" (there had been a couple of brief showers overnight). This was later clarified as incorrect, with the groundsman having taking the decision to fertilise the pitch.

CCC spokesman Tim Hall voiced his disapproval of the decision: "We find it frustrating that on a rare gorgeous day in the north east we are unable to play a game", he said "Furthermore, it is ironic that the groundsman wanted the pitch fertilised. We are experts in that field - you should have seen the crap we produced at Blue Flames on Wednesday".