Login

ECB Sells Soul at Crossroads

There was excitement and expectation outside ECB headquarters today as the full magnitude of the new television deal with BSkyB began to sink in. The four-year contract means there will be no live coverage of England's home test matches on terrestrial screens for the first time since 1938.

The new deal will enable:
*Increased wages for players and county executives
*Disenfranchisement of at least one third of test cricket’s regular test cricket audience (the over 60s)
*Decreased test match television audiences of around 75%
*A one horse bidding race in 2009 where BSkyB will be able to extend their rights for a ‘nominal’ sum of money
* Continued expansion of Rupert Murdoch’s global domination of rightwing media and sporting rights towards monopoly proportions

A spokesman for the ECB’s marketing committee admitted that had the terrestrial bids been accepted cuts would have had to be made across all areas of the game.
"We’ve now been able to postpone these cuts for 4 years", the spokesman reveals. "In the meantime we’ll be able to spend more money on players’ wages, and perks for county directors, whilst at the same time overseeing a decline in television audiences for test matches of approximately 75%."

The spokesman revealed the circumstances of the record bid being presented to the ECB. "We were wandering around a rural backwater in Zimbabwe a few weeks back. It was just myself and David (Morgan). I remember there were some smouldering crops in the field and a few starving children. But then we caught sight of this dapper gentleman standing at the crossroads waving a huge cheque..." Morgan approached the gentleman, who, speaking in an Australian accent, "offered us untold wealth if we sold our television rights, our souls and our dignity. It was an offer we couldn’t refuse."

Despite criticism being levelled at the ECB for what many people believe is ‘selling out’, the spokesman is unrepentant. "People will say that cricket audiences will decline because the people who watch Sky don’t watch it for cricket. Well, that's true, but these people must be aware that this deal will help us re-establish cricket as an old boys’ club for chinless posh twats. There was a severe danger of the middle and even lower classes becoming interested in the game."

There is a technical possibility of test cricket one day returning to a free-to-air station, however, it is expected to remain with Sky forever. When the current deal expires, terrestrial TV companies are unlikely to bid as they never made any money out of cricket and it disrupted the schedules. BSkyB will then be able to bid for a minimum amount and effectively hold the ECB to ransom.

Season Closes with a Flourish for CCC's 'Team of Entertainers'

HALL TREATED AFTERWARDS FOR ALTITUDE SICKNESS

CCC defeated Parkhouse in the traditional end of season jamboree at Close House in traditional end of season sunshine yesterday. With temperatures in the 2os this was easily the finest day of a disappointing summer and the players revelled in it. John Dawson's Parkhouse outfit were depleted from the start as two players had to drop out on the morning of the match. Sportingly, French and Spencer offered to play for them and performed superbly with both bat and ball. Parkhouse scored 130-8 off 40 overs; everone bowled at least an over, with Dave and Tim excelling, and new boys Tom and Will Featherstone showing everyone how it's done in the field. CCC won the match comfortably, despite opening the batting with Tim Hall, who was later treated for altitude sickness after suffering a second ball duck. The game was completed with just under 10 overs to spare, but in encroaching darkness. Alan Boyes hit a season's best 40 not out, Tom Featherstone 27, and Edward Watson 22.

CCC's versatile team of entertainers convene next for a pizza on Tuesday night.

Team: Tim, Tom featherstone, Paul Bennett, Andy, Alan (w/k), Edward, Simon E., Matt, Will Featherstone, Dave, Cliff*, Roger*

[* turncoats]

Statistics to be added to website shortly: bowling figures being deciphered at Bletchley Park

Harmison: "French was my Inspiration"

England defeated India in the first one day international yesterday, thanks in part to an inspired spell of fast bowling from Durham paceman Steve Harmison.

Harmison, who took a hat trick in his fiery onslaught, was quick to pay tribute to one of his cricketing role models, CCC star Roger French.

"I grew up watching Curtly Ambrose and Glenn McGrath," said the genial Geordie giant, "and Roger French too. My and me mates would go round the grounds of the north east watching his swashbuckling all round performances. We were kind of French groupies."

And it was the all rounder's performance against Merz and McLellan only last week which was to inspire Harmison's destructive spell against India. "I've not had the best of summers by my standards, but French was there in my head at the important time. Against Merz he slowed his usually devastating pace right down as a sporting gesture in poor light, and still took a hat trick. That's just class."

So does Harmison aspire to French's standards? "His cricketing nous and standards of sportsmanship, yes," continues England's premier bowler, "but I could never match his batting quality!"

se

League Results

Genetics (won by 7 runs)
Travellers (won by 7 wickets)
Humshaugh (won by 7 wickets)
Sage (won by 4 wickets)
Fenham (lost by 6 runs)
M&M (won by 7 wickets)
Genetics (lost by 25 runs)
Aletaster (lost by 17 runs)
Travelers (won by 3 wickets)
Humshaugh (lost by 29 runs)
Aletaster (won by 8 wickets)
Sage (lost by 6 runs)
Fenham (lost by 2 runs)
M&M (won by 47 runs)

Too Murky for Merz but CCC See the Light

PLAYERS IN CRISP, PICKLED EGG FRENZY AFTERWARDS

CCC finally squeezed their final league game of the season in, against Merz & McLellan at Clara Vale. Despite showers during the day and ominous clouds skirting the pitch at 'kick off' the game went ahead on the artificial strip. Credit must go to the ground staff and Merz for agreeing to play.

CCC won the toss and chose to bat, the game being restricted to 12 overs a side. Looking to boost the batting bonus point tally CCC crusied to an impressive 135-3 with Rian (44) and Ian Randall (56) the main contributors.

The worry for the skipper was the shortage of full time bowlers, with only Rian, Matt and Tim available. This meant a spell from Roger French would be required. After Rian dismissed the dangerous Mallabar, Merz were always on the back foot, especially as the darkness began to encroach faster than expected. Sportingly, Roger agreed not to bowl at his full pace, but this did not make him any more playable, as he returned stunning figures of 3-0-14-4, ripping the heart out of the Merz middle order with a hat trick which included an Alan Boyes stumping. The game finished in almost pitch darkness with Rian and Tim bowling off spinners to avoid the game being abandoned, and the home side closed on 88-7.

Within 5 minutes of stumps the heavens opened and a spectacular torrential downpour drenched the CCC heroes as they withdrew to the Boathouse, Wylam, to gorge on crisps and ale.

CCC 9pts, Merz 2 pts.

Thanks also to Tom for abandoning rugby training at short notice to come to the CCC cause.

CCC: Rian, Ian, Matt, Simon E., Simon W., Tom, Steve, Roger, Keith H., Alan (W/K), Tim
MOM: Randall