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Butcher Out Of Test Series

BATSMAN SEEKS FREAK-FREE WEEK

England's Mark Butcher has been ruled out of the test series against the West Indies after a bizarre sequence of injuries over the weekend. Butcher, who has played 48 uninterrupted Tests, initially picked up a thigh strain last week, but was set to be named in the side for the 1st Test when he sustained whiplash in a minor car accident. Even so, he expected to be available for the 2nd Test, which starts at Edgbaston this week, when he aggravated the thigh strain lifting boxes at home. But if Butcher thought his run of bad luck was at an end he was wrong.

"I was walking to the Physio on Saturday morning," says the Surrey and England left hander, "when I walked into this sheet of plate glass that was being carried across the road by two men in overalls." Butcher sustained cuts and bruises in the incident. Worse was to come. "On the way home, I was taking a short cut across a building site when I was knocked unconscious by a plank of timber being carried by a man in a hard hat who had turned to speak to a colleague. It broke my nose and cut my forehead."

"But it didn’t end there," continues the 31 year old candidly. "I was taking a bath on Sunday night when somehow it broke free from the plumbing, rolled out the front door, down a steep hill which just happened to be outside my house, and collided with a wall at the bottom, catapulting me into a bed of nettles. I was then arrested after being spotted by a minibus full of old ladies. They must’ve wondered what a bloke with a head bandage and a neck brace was doing standing naked in a field full of sheep, holding a bar of soap and a long-handled bath brush!" he chuckles.

Incredibly, Butcher’s run of bad luck was still not over. He takes up the story: "I was sitting on my veranda this morning, with my guitar, writing a song. It was a Delta Blues type – you know, my woman’s left me, my bath’s left me, my job’s been taken by a fat man from the deep south, that sort of thing... When the G string snapped and severed my left arm below the elbow."

Butcher shakes his head at the recollection. "Luckily, the surgeons were able to reattach the limb and I'm hoping to be available for the winter tour of South Africa," he adds phlegmatically. "Until then I'm staying in bed."

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Mallards Defeat Provides Good Workout

CCC entertained Mallards in the traditional friendly at Heaton last night. The visitors won the toss and elected to field in a 20/20 format match. Tight swing bowling from Cleaver and Mollon prevented a quick start. Though these two were moreorless seen off CCC then lost wickets regularly, apart from Rian, who once again scored runs with apparent ease. Tim Hall, playing for Mallards, put in his best spell for a long while using the humid conditions to swing the ball prodigiously. 68-6 was never going to be enough, although Mallards only stuttered across the victory line, reaching 69-7 with 10 balls remaining. For CCC, Derek bowled 4 overs for only 5 and Amit, demonstrating great variation with his subtle chinamen, took 2-11.

CCC: Alan, Simon E., Andy, Simon W., Edward, Keith, Rian, Roger, Dave, Derek, Amit.

Traveller's Under 13s to Coach CCC

Press release:

Computing Cricket Club is pleased to announce that their batsmen will be coached by Traveller's Rest Under 13s for the rest of the season. A deal has been struck with the talented youngsters by CCC agent Derek Marshall. "The young lads seemed keen to help when I put it to them, although they did ask me to put them down because I was hurting them", said Marshall. "I initially offered them a bag of sweets each, but inflation has taken its toll since my day. They'll be getting hard cash and 6 months free scooter maintenance at my mate's in Wallsend instead."

The move comes after the Traveller's lads impressed in their defensive technique against CCC recently. They:

+ played each ball on its merit
+ played straight
+ didn't try to hoik the ball off middle stump

"We were impressed by the way they respected the straight ball," added Marshall. "They're good in the field too, continually encouraging the bowler. We could learn from that."

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CCC Win!

Despite once again not so much flirting with danger as taking it behind the bike sheds and giving it a good seeing to, CCC held their nerve at the death to record an important victory at Seaton Burn last night. Another tight bowling and fielding display saw wickets for Rian (3), Dave (3), Derek (2), Cliff (1), plus one run out reduce Traveller's Rest to 63 all out. As with the Aletaster match last week CCC decided to make a dog's breakfast of the response. A quickfire 17 from Rian and another fighting knock from extras (14) saw the visitors into the forties, but a clatter of wickets (4 wickets for Keith Knight) left Roger needing to summon his experience to guide the tail - and the team - home.

CCC's batsmen will be looking for some practice in tonight's friendly against Mallards. Their ability to deal with the straight ball will be under scrutiny, as all 7 wickets against Traveller's were 'bowled'.

CCC: Rian, Tom, Dave, Simon E., Simon W., John, Keith Hayward, Roger, Derek, Andy, Cliff.

Win Card Shortage Crisis Averted

"CCC CAN START WINNING AGAIN NOW": FRENCH

Draconian policies put in place by the CCC financial steering committee to avoid an estimated 20 pence photocopying bill can now be lifted, according to club treasurer Roger French. The policies were put in place at the end of May when, with CCC's winning start to the season, the club was faced with an unprecedented shortage of win cards - the cards must be submitted by the winning captain to the League by first class post.

"We had to implement a strict financial management regime," says French. "This involved not winning much anymore. In fact the lads have been zealous in pursuing the financial interests of the club by losing 4 of the last 5 games. All credit to them."

Such has been CCC’s success at not winning much anymore that the club now has a stockpile of up to 6 unused win cards. "That would cover us for the rest of the season," continues French. "We have 6 games left and 6 cards. I can announce that the strict financial measures have now been lifetd. The lads can start winning again next week."

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