Login

Match Falls Victim of Almost Perfect Conditions

In a decision described as "controversial", CCC's match last night was postponed because of a little known meteorological phenomenon known as 'Almost Perfect Conditions', it has been revealed. This type of weather, which is becoming increasingly common in Northern Hemisphere summertime, manifests itself in the form of 20 degree (plus) temperatures, warm sunshine, and firm ground "giving help to both batsman and bowler".

SUNBATHING

There has been concern this season that several games have been postponed due to this weather condition, with the result that there is now a backlog of fixtures. "I had to spend the rest of the evening sunbathing in my garden when I could have been playing cricket", commented one disgruntled player.

BLEAK

One local groundsman had this to say about 'Almost Perfect Conditions': "In this day and age it just isn't worth the risk of playing cricket unless conditions reach 'Absolute Perfection', that is 25 degrees, cloudless skies, and no rain anywhere in the hemisphere for at least 5 days prior to the match". With there having been several isolated showers in various North Sea regions, and even in parts of mainland Europe this week, the outlook for Wednesday's game was always bleak.

RE-LOCATION

It has been suggested that to cope with the fixture backlog caused by 'Almost Perfect Conditions', the league committee is looking into relocating the North-East Midweek Cricket League to North or Central Africa: "We were thinking of Morocco, or perhaps Liberia," said a league spokesman, "We are currently in negotiations with BA Newcastle to arrange cheap charter flights to somewhere hot."

Scenery Sedates CCC

Once a season, so it seems, CCC have one of those nights when their batsmen can't seem to apply themselves to the task in hand. Thursday night's rearranged game at scenic Humshaugh was the venue for this season's (hopefully only) such debacle. Perhaps it was the travel distance - which perhaps in future warrants an overnight stay - or perhaps the real and perceived devils in the pitch and bowling attack (respectively).... but, whatever, CCC just weren't up to it.

The bowling and fielding was average, and CCC did well in the end to limit Humshaugh to 104-5 off 14 overs, with Derek excelling with 3-16. But it was the batting that was the real let down - to put it obliquely, the display could be described as a surfeit of something that Humshaugh's number 6 batsman is probably now lacking, having inside edged a quick Rian delivery into his boxless crotch.

They started brightly with Rian hitting a quickfire 20, and at 51-1 off 6 overs the game was there for the taking. However, the loss of Ratti, Simon W., John and Simon E. in the space of 10 deliveries turned the game around, The remaining batsmen were able to put up only limited resistance and CCC subsided to 84 all out.

"The players are disappointed. They know they can do better than that," said the CCC skipper patching up a hole that had mysteriously appeared in the dressing room door. "Has anyone got any hayfever remedies?" interjected Ian Randall, in between sneezes; "No mate, they're all gone - it's them bloody male gametes, init," added Knowlesy in professorial manner; Alan looked like adding his considered opinion, but wisely his teammates prevented him from doing so.

Team: Rian, Simon W., Ratti, Simon E., John, Ian, Alan, Cliff, Tim, Derek, Chris

Dr Bennett

All at CCC would like to extend their congratulations to the batsman formerly known as MR Paul Bennett. Paul is now a fully qualified doctor having passed his medical exams (with distinction??). Unfortunately Paul is unlikely to read this as (rather wisely) he is busy holidaying in the Mediterranean.

How to get to Humshaugh Cricket Ground

A69 to Corbridge roundabout then turn right onto A68 signposted Jedburgh. Turn left at Stagshaw roundabout on to B6318. Ground is on right hand side just after Chollerford cross roads before the bridge.

Here are two links to multimap that might help, cricket ground is clearly visible from aerial photograph.

Map showing roads - look for Chollerford and Low Brunton.

Aerial Photo

CCC in New Quiz Low

Club skipper Simon was reportedly "gutted" after the CCC quiz team sank to new depths of incompetency last night. Following on from their recent 6th place at the Chillingham, a few regular quiz members decided to get some extra practice by helping out another team in the Dolphin, Tynemouth. Jackie and Sharon usually come second from last and win a box of chocolates. With the assistance of 8-strong CCC contingent they managed.... LAST place.

"We should stick to what we do slightly less badly..." said Tim Hall, as his colleagues shook their heads in bewilderment "...cricket".