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FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE DETECTED IN GUY FINKILL

An exclusion zone was in force around Guy Finkill last night in order to curb an outbreak of foot in mouth disease detected following the ORPS v Mallards friendly. Tests were being carried out to see whether it was the deadly strain of the virus, which would require the young all rounder to be humanely destroyed.

Finkill had taken part in a seemingly normal game of cricket, the disease coming to light only in the post match discussions when it was revealed that he had:

*Criticised the scoring rate of other batsmen before making a sedate 15 from 28 balls in a 15 overs a side slog;
*Volunteered to take the keeping gloves, then appealed for a stumping off a no ball;
*Failed to make any routine takes with the gloves requiring a backstop to be put in place;

Furthermore, it was noted that the number of suggestions that he should open the batting and the bowling had gone off the scale.

By 9.30 pm tests had been completed and the outbreak identified as the non-deadly 'general gobbiness' C strain of the virus. Finkill will not be put down and will be free to play in CCC's game against Seaton Burn tonight.