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SEASON OF UNPRECEDENTED SUCCESS 2007
World to End 2006
Dramatic new evidence published today will show how coded messages hidden in the Old Testament appear to predict major world events. Research carried out at the University of Tel Aviv's Department of Creative Interpretation uses the technique of 'skip sequencing' to break the codes. Skip sequencing involves choosing letters randomly from random words and combining them with other randomly selected letters to create whatever words you want. Using an advanced statistical computer package, the boffins have predicted:
CCC Promotion in 2007
The end of the world in 2006
England to regain the Ashes in 2141
"I haf researched zis area for many years now," claimed one unnamed Professor. " it is clear zer are many codes contained vizin ze Old Testament if you vant to find zem. For instance, ve hav already discovered zat ze Bible predicted amongst ozer sings ze Kennedy assassination, ze first Gulf War, and ze Take Zat split."
Yet it is the latest prediction - that CCC will win the North East Midweek Division 4 in 2007 - which is set to bring the science of the Bible Codes to a wide audience.
"Ve haf proof zat CCC will be going up," continued Professor X, flicking his computer keypad. "To give you an example, using ze skip sequence programme, ve have ze date "JULY 2003" clearly appearing in Genesis. Nearby, you clearly haf ze vords ROD MATCH OFF LADS. Ve believe zis is statistically significant."
The one drawback to CCC's anticipated 2007 promotion is the Bible Code prediction of armageddon in 2006. "The end of the world would put a serious dampener on celebrations," admitted CCC secretary Cliff Spencer, "a nuclear winter would play havoc with the fixture list, and I would hope for a more lenient policy from groundsmen across the north east."
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