|
BIONIC HIP INSTALLED, ARM, EYE TO FOLLOW
CCC all rounder Terry Gomlinson* has been given a new hip in a six hour operation at Newcastle's Freeman Hospital, it has been revealed. A team of top-secret scientists and micro-surgeons is believed to have given Gomlinson a state of the art bionic hip joint which will enable him to:
• Bowl off a faster run than Tim ‘Hurricane’ Hall
• Boogie like John Travolta down at Foundation
• Run beside AND KEEP UP WITH his son driving round Gosforth housing estates.
In a press release, a hospital spokesman reported that the player has made a good recovery but is not expected to be able to resume his cricket career till next season, as his body and immune system needs time to adjust to the cybernetic implants. “We were able to rebuild him. We had the technology, like,” added the spokesman.
Meanwhile a CCC representative, who did not wish to be identified, claimed that the rebuild is “only the beginning”.
“We have a rolling programme of refurbishments in order to compete with the vile enemy,” he said, referring to the programme of genetic engineering implemented by Genetics CC (see news 21st november 2003).
“Before too long there will be a new knee for Edwards, a new haircut for Knowles, and maybe even a new ball for Rian. The world will come to know of us. We will prevail.”
Gomlinson’s new hip will be officially unveiled in a ceremony involving beer and suspenders at South Northumberland CC later in the summer.
* some names in this article have been changed to protect privacy
|
