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Genetics CC had their pre-season preparation thrown into chaos this week when their bowling plans for arch-rivals CCC were leaked to the press.
The bowling plans, contained on a single laminated sheet, were apparently mislaid in the Victory pub, Gosforth, and later turned up at the Herald and Post free paper.
The plans (shown below) reveal a specially tailored bowling strategy for each CCC batsman, aimed at pinpointing and exploiting individual weaknesses.
RIAN: loses patience if fails to hit boundary ball 1. Possible stumping ball 2. Run out candidate
TOMLINSON (Knick): Crowd infield to frustrate early doors. Sledge (but don’t refer to him as ‘the club pro’ – a compliment). Run out candidate
TOMLINSON (Greg): one vulnerable area – his stumps. Run out candidate
AMIN: Wind up, may try to hit you out of ground first ball. Run out candidate plus some
FINKILL (P): bowl straight and fast. Run out candidate if he survives the ball
EDWARDS: only one shot, angled cut to 3rd man. Slip, gully, 3rd. Vulnerable to straight and exceedingly slow ball. Run out candidate
WOODMAN: very orthodox. Sometimes doesn’t drop wrists enough. May cut and drive uppishly. Run out candidate
PLANCHANT: Run out candidate. Obstruct him when running
FRENCH: technically sound. Sledging - suggest local NHS trust is slightly over budget for this fiscal year
MARSHALL: DON’T SLEDGE – unless you want a stump up your a***. Run out cand.
TOMLINSON (Gerry): bring on 10 year old. Also, run out cand.
BOYES: if doesn’t play perfect text book stroke will get bout of introspection and miss a straight one. Play on frustration. Also, run out cand.
HALL: nothing to worry about – just get it on target. If not, run out cand.
FINKILL (G): Er, run out cand.
Meanwhile, Genetics spokesman John Robinson issued the following statement: “Our pre-season plans have been thrown into chaos, as our bowling coach clearly needed reminding that we are now in Division 1, and won’t have to play that bunch of no hopers this season.”
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